[text(s) from dracula's phone to everyone that can possibly be contacted with it]

[bagropa]

text 1:

Is this a communciator

thirty seconds later:

Why do you ceelbrate this holida with crude explosive decives

one minute later:

hat is the meaing of theday i do not even??

three minutes later:

you area ll butts

Comments

[rae_of_sun]

Where are you??

1/?

[bagropa]

areall humans so noticey

2/?

[bagropa]

did i inact sarcasmcorently yES

3/3

[bagropa]

jhe syas bill the bot peri died here??

1/2

[rae_of_sun]

[composed before the incomprehensible third text]

I thought you didn't even like alcohol

[rae_of_sun]

[after the incomprehensible third text and a substantial pause]

What is the designation of your current location?

[bagropa]

bagrioa it is WILLbots end willthe bot dieddddd here

[rae_of_sun]

Okay. Stay there. I'm on my way over.

[rae_of_sun]

[Around 5:00, in the hopes it'll encourage him to stay put.]

I'm bringing Bitter Chocolate Death.

[bagropa]

WINNER