[Text to Daniel]

[etherthief]

Oh my god this guy is the S H I T T I E S T baby I can't believe you were worried about me

Comments

[etherthief]

you just missed him going off about pagan gods like they're all posers. THIS GUY

[peacefulexplorer]

are you okay??? should I come back?

[etherthief]

lol no dummy I'm fine. what are you my mom

[peacefulexplorer]

Um a friend? That thing was not human I'm pre dishwasher to worry

[peacefulexplorer]

Predisposed. I don't agree with this phone's correcting system

[etherthief]

You're so cute. I'll keep you.

[peacefulexplorer]

Thanks? how drunk exactly are you

[etherthief]

doin all right. seriously I am fine. this guy is a fucking toddler god

[peacefulexplorer]

If you say so? Let me know if you need anything

[etherthief]

omg OMG /DANIEL/

[etherthief]

DANIEL HE'S /SATAN/

[etherthief]

this is ridic. hahahahaa. who knew satan was such a fucking whiny baby

[etherthief]

ps I'm still fine

[peacefulexplorer]

Iman I think you're very drunk

[etherthief]

correct!!!

[etherthief]

fuck me this guy is suuuuuch an aaaaasshoooooole

[etherthief]

BUT. he upgraded my wine that was nice of him. even if he did it just to be a prick

[etherthief]

uhhhhh I think he's trying to take me home??? DEFINITELY NOT FLATTERED

[peacefulexplorer]

oh god. do you need me to come back? Or find someplace else to stay

[etherthief]

nope im good. I am an old hand at turning men down thanks thooo

[etherthief]

OH HOLY SHIT

[etherthief]

HOLY FRIGGIN SHIT

[etherthief]

HAHA DANIEL. DANIELLLL. I AM SO SAD YOU MISSED THIS

[etherthief]

HE WAS ALL 'YO GURL I'M GONNA FLY YOU WANNA COME' AND I WAS LIKE GEE THANKS SATAN BUT IMMA STAY HERE YOU KNOCK YOURSELF OUT'

[etherthief]

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

[etherthief]

HE FLEW RIGHT THROUGH A WALL DANIEL HE ACTUALLY KNOCKED HIMSELF OUT

[etherthief]

or I guess he's still conscious. now he's singing. holy shit I'm getting a video.

(okay i'm done)

[etherthief]

this is the best thing that ever happened. i'm laughing so hard. he is so drunk

[peacefulexplorer]

[after several stunned minutes in which Daniel doesn't know whether to laugh or be horrified]

okay so proof. Im going to need proof.

[etherthief]

[several more minutes later, Daniel receives a video of Lucifer lying in a pile of rubble singing Mily Cyrus' Wrecking Ball, with Iman laughing her ass off in the background]

[peacefulexplorer]

[a lengthy period of bewildered silence, then]

how do I respond to this. I dont know what it is. thats incredible.

[etherthief]

I know right oh my god, I'm literally dying. Except not literally