[Angel Radio for Gabriel]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Gabriel.

Gabriel, this place is swarming with humans.

Comments

[has_a_horn]

Nope, we're not doing this. Turn off the radio.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

If I didn't know better, I'd think you aren't happy to hear from me, brother.

[has_a_horn]

That's pretty much it. Yup. Good job figuring it out.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Are you still sore about your pet? Is that what this is about? Really, Gabriel. I didn't even hurt him.

[has_a_horn]

Not my pet, and he's been traumatized enough without the devil swooping in on his home and waving his dick around.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Don't be so dramatic.

I was there to speak to you, not for your kept human--

[He's distracted for a few seconds. Just hold on.]

--Why did this woman give me a napkin with a number on it?

[has_a_horn]

Are you in a bar

[wentdowntogeorgia]

I've been in a lot of bars.

[has_a_horn]

Are you drunk?

[wentdowntogeorgia]

No.

[That's a lie.]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Maybe.

[That's still a lie.]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Yes.

[There we go.]

Yes, I am. I drank Manhattan.

[Yolo.]

[has_a_horn]

[Tell that to Jesus.]

She was hitting on you. Do you not know what phone numbers are?

No- nevermind. Stop bothering me. Go find somewhere to lie low and stay there. Forever, preferably.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

[And the Winchesters, and Castiel, and Robert Singer, and a whole bunch of other people. In their universe, Death has a revolving door.]

Of course I do. But why would she give me hers, on a napkin?

[You have to admit, it's a legitimate question.]

Dramatics, Gabriel. Besides, without anyone speaking on--

[Another moment of distraction.]

--I got another one. Why do I keep getting these?

[has_a_horn]

For fuck's sake.

They want to have sex with you, numbnuts.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Yes, Gabriel, thank you, I'm aware of that.

[He's not Castiel, he knows what getting hit on means.]

What I don't understand is why they want to when I'm actively attempting to discourage human interaction.

[Maybe they like the broody type.]

[has_a_horn]

You know you don't have to be in a bar to drink. You can be far away from all the scaaaary humans

[wentdowntogeorgia]

But the alcohol is conveniently in one place.

[He doesn't want to have to teleport in the amount that he'd need. Besides, you did this to him, Gabriel-- you're the one who drove him to drink with your talk of dead angels and Falling. So now you have to deal with the angel equivalent of drunk-dialing.]

[has_a_horn]

[He's just not going to respond for a bit and see if Lucifer gives up]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

[Lucifer? Give up? Gabriel, have you met him?]

What is this? Why would anyone willingly put it in their mouths?

[What's he talking about? Beer? Tequila? Who knows.]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

It's salty. Is it supposed to be salty?

[Could... still... be alcohol?]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

And it gets sticky.

[...Yeah, I got nothing.]

[has_a_horn]

[he's not even gonna guess]

You're ruining my entire day.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

[Get your head out of the gutter, Gabe.]

I'm your older brother. I'm fairly certain that's what I'm supposed to do.

[has_a_horn]

Both of us stopped doing what we were supposed to do a loooong time ago, and you have to start with this? Go awaaaay.

[he cuts off the connection]

[wentdowntogeorgia]

[He wants to say you left us, but the connection has already gone dead.]

[Well.]

[He finishes the margarita that someone bought for him. It has, indeed, left his fingers sticky.]

[A closed connection on angel radio does not stop the Devil.]

[He keeps trying.]

[has_a_horn]

[He lets the incessant ping of Lucifer trying to reach him echo around in his skull for a full eight minutes before he angrily reopens the connection]

WHAT DO YOU WANT

[wentdowntogeorgia]

[Finally. It's not exactly fun to keep reaching out, over and over, across a closed-off connection. Angel radio should not be silent.]

You never answered my question. The one I asked you when I came to see you, about Raphael.

[Because the subject of brothers had come up, and it is the original reason that he went out on this bender to start with.]

[has_a_horn]

[After a moment, in which he sighs deeply]

Castiel killed him. Amped up on souls from purgatory and on the road to godhood. Didn't even use a blade.

He was just Castiel again, last I heard. Not sure how that happened.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Purgatory.

[Holy instantly sobering conversation, Batman.]

He ate the souls in Purgatory?

[That is insane in so many different ways that it actually has to sink in for a minute there. He cannot fully comprehend the stupid that he has been presented with.]

And the Leviathan?

[has_a_horn]

And the Leviathan. I think he died for a little while because of it. He was off my radar.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

So, what you're saying is that the Leviathan were running rampant on Earth.

[That is Bad News. The Leviathan are worse than just the Apocalypse, because at least there would still physically be things left on Earth and in Heaven and Hell after the Apocalypse. Those monsters would just eat everything and still come back for seconds.]

I'm not drunk enough for this and I don't think there's enough alcohol left in Manhattan to get me drunk enough.

[has_a_horn]

Were, yes. Can't you just make booze? Get creative.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

No, as a matter of fact, I can't.

[He was a big bag of dicks, so now he doesn't get to do useful things like create alcohol out of nothing. See, this is what happens when you're an asshat.]

[has_a_horn]

Small mercies. Was there anything else?

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Yes.

Are you pleased, Gabriel?

[has_a_horn]

About today? No. What else am I supposed to be pleased about?

[wentdowntogeorgia]

About what your actions have wrought.

You saw fit to give the Winchesters the key-- quite literally-- to averting the Apocalypse. And now, Michael is trapped in the Cage with me, the Leviathan were loose, and Heaven has fallen.

Are you pleased?

[has_a_horn]

I don't regret what I did. You think the apocalypse would have been any better?

[a moment]

You would have destroyed everything, both of you. At least now there's something left.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Better than the entirety of our family being dead? Better than Heaven being an empty house? Better than our Father remaining silent at the genocide of our brothers?

Yes.

[His goal was the purging of Earth, not Heaven. He wanted to go back home in the end, after all. Now, there is no home to return to.]

[has_a_horn]

Destroying the earth wouldn't mean you being welcomed back into Heaven, Lucifer. You would have had to kill all of Michael's followers first. Would killing each angel yourself have been better? How bloody did you want your war?

Our Father has been silent for a long time...he's not coming back. You know that. You should know that.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

You know angels. Once Michael was dead, they would look to the next highest angel to follow, and that would have been me.

But it doesn't even matter, because Michael and I would have killed each other, and you know it, Gabriel.

[The world ending with a bang and two sets of dead brothers.]

[has_a_horn]

Then what was the point?

I wanted both of you alive. And yeah, I wanted Earth in one piece.

...What else could I have done?

[wentdowntogeorgia]

I don't know.

I don't know what the right answer was, or if there even was one to begin with. Our Father was testing us, and He didn't exactly leave an answer key.

[Maybe there never was a right answer. Maybe every possible path lead to suffering.]

[has_a_horn]

We weren't being tested. We were abandoned.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

Perhaps.

[Which is worse? Abandonment regardless of their actions, or one that depended upon a correct answer?]

[Or was it worse that they waited for so long, following the word of the Father that would never return, as though obeying it might bring him back?]

But Michael wouldn't be swayed, and not for lack of trying.

[has_a_horn]

[Gabriel left not long after their Father did. He was still waiting, but he couldn't do that in the same way the others did. He's never wanted any part in a civil war. Hiding was easier.]

Leave me alone, Lucifer. I'm not here to help you pick at old wounds.

[wentdowntogeorgia]

I know. You would rather bury your head in the sand and pretend they don't exist.

[Well, this conversation turned into a disaster.]

[But, finally, Lucifer withdraws, leaving angel radio silent.]